Muscles!

Ok. Having done lots of research I think I understand what is going on. I am building muscles and it is apparently normal for the scales to move up when you first start exercising. This must be true because this morning I slipped into a pair of jeans that I have NEVER been able to wear. So I suppose for right now I need to just ignore the scale and concentrate on my diet and exercise. This morning I did 15 minutes of exercise. Things like leg lifts, butt lifts and crunches and then walked 30 minutes. My calorie tracker said I burned around 300 calories. Right now I am trying to keep my diet around 1200 calories. I hope I'm doing this right. It's all new to me. This morning I had a protein shake for breakfast and just finished a can 0f tuna packed in water with a tsp. of low fat mayonnaise and lots of lemon. I have some boneless skinless chicken breasts marinading in fat free italion dressing. Going to grill them tonight. Thinking about mashed potatoes and steamed mixed vegetables for sides. The mashed potatoes are for my husband. He will be home tonight. YAY!!!!
I have to tell you that getting into those jeans really boosted my moral. I was getting so depressed. Afraid that I had done the wrong thing and that all that pain had been for nothing. But I still want to see the numbers on the scale start dropping. My first goal is to hit 249. Then 225. I can't wait!!!!!!!

Feel like crying....

I just don't understand. I am trying so hard. So hard. I have COMPLETELY changed the way I eat. Eating what I thought was a healthy low calorie diet. Lots of grilled fish, veggies, egg whites, grilled chicken...etc. Drinking my liquids everyday. Getting my proteins. I was so proud. I'm getting up and moving EVERY day for at least 30 minutes. I thought that was a pretty good start. The problem is I'm not losing weight. The scale is moving back up. What do I do? I'm trying so hard to do it right. I'm getting so frustrated and scared. I don't know what to do.....

Logan's Steakhouse.

Decided to go to Logan's for my daughters birthday. Was a little worried. I just decided if nothing else I would just sip my tea and have fun. When we got there I told the manager (a great guy) that I had just had my surgery. He was very excited and told me congratulations. I asked him about ordering off the kids menu and he said that was no problem. So I ordered the grilled chicken with mashed potatoes and gravy. So good!!!!! We always go to the Logan's in Irondale. As I said before the manager, his name is Daniel, is a really awesome guy! Hannah was wearing her Birthday Girl t-shirt and he sent a little mini-bucket desert over free to celebrate! He told me the secret to their chicken is they marinade in the Italian dressing for 3 days before they cook it. So much flavor!!! Had a lot of fun and didn't over eat. Yay me!!!

FOOD!!!!!

Well I am officially on mushy food. The first day I ate it hurt. No not really hurt. Just very uncomfortable!!! I think I just ate to fast. Trust me when I say lesson learned. Been eating things like canned chicken with just a tiny amount of low fat mayonnaise. Lots of tuna. Cottage cheese. Was starving today at Wal-mart and thought about the tuna salad at Subway. I told them I had just had the lap-band and wondering if I could just get some of the tuna. No salad or sandwich. They gave me 2 scoops with s sprinkle of cheese on top for $1.38 including tax. Just the right amount of food. So glad I asked. Some people have said they don't like to mention their surgery. I don't mind. I'm happy and excited about my new life. And if someone overhears and wants to ask questions.....I will be more then happy to answer. That's already happened a couple of times. It's like this blog. I want to help. I want to share. Ok....I just like to talk!!!!!!
My husband came in this morning and we went to the grocery store. Bought LOTS and LOTS of yummy stuff. Boneless chicken breasts, tuna, cottage cheese, tilapia fillets. Oh and some of that Laughing Cow low calorie cheese wedges.
Tonight I cooked a spaghetti squash for the first time. It was a huge hit. My husband loved it. His favorite part was the cranberries. I picked out some of the squash and few bites of the chicken. It really was VERY good!!!!!!!!
Spaghetti Squash Casserole
1 large spaghetti squash
1 T. regular olive oil
1 T. butter
1 medium yellow onion
1 clove garlic
1 c. fresh mushrooms
1 c. cooked broccoli
1 c. cooked chicken
3/4 c. cranberries
1/2 c. chicken broth
Asiago cheese, shredded

Preheat oven to 400 F. Line baking sheet with foil and a quick spray of oil. Cut spaghetti squash in half lengthwise and lay cut-side down on baking sheet. Bake for 30 minutes. Remove from oven and allow to cool enough to easily handle.
In a large oven proof skillet over medium-high heat, add butter and oil and sauté garlic and onions 4 to 5 minutes until onions are translucent. Add broccoli, mushrooms and chicken, and heat until warmed. Add cranberries and broth to skillet and cover. Lower heat and simmer about 4-5 minutes, until most of the liquid is gone.
Scoop out the spaghetti squash innards with a spoon, separating strands. Add squash strands to skillet and toss everything together. Sprinkle with Asiago cheese, and place under a preheated broiler till cheese is melted and toasty.

Back to the Hospital....

Last night around dinner time I noticed that my port site was started to really hurt again. One touch and I knew what the problem was. There was a big rock hard knot under the skin. The fluid had built back up. Didn't sleep much last night because of the pain and was so happy to see the light of day. Went to the hospital with a knot the size of a baseball under my skin and they drained another 10ccs of fluid. INSTANT RELIEF!!! It's still sore from where she was poking around with the needle and pressing on it but I can handle that. The nurse said it might happen again and if it does just come see her again. Why me? Guess I'm just special....Lucky me!
Went to lunch my my mom and Hannah afterwards. Went to Barnhill's Buffet. I had a sweet tea. Before you yell at me. It's only the 2nd sweet tea I've had since the surgery and I needed a little sugar to keep my glucose levels up. I also snuck and got about a 1/2 cup of cottage cheese and when the waitress wasn't looking I had my lunch. I just didn't see paying $8 for that tiny amount of food. Was it so terribly wrong of me? To be honest I do feel a little guilty.
Hopefully tomorrow will be like yesterday and I will feel like walking again. Right now all I want to do is rest.

YAY ME!!!!

Today has been another great day! Woke up this morning with almost no pain. It's more just sore now. Thank the Good Lord! Had my protein shake for breakfast and Diet Green Tea with Citrus. But what I'm really proud of is that I finished my first official work out today! I set the timer on my microwave for 60 minutes and hit the floor walking. I walked at a nice steady pace nonstop for 30 minutes. Just back and forth from one end of my house to the other. My daughter walked with me or should I say ran with me! For every 1 lap I walked she ran 2!!! After 30 minutes of walking I did 30 minutes of the basic step workout on the wii. Hannah did that with me to. She got a big book from her bedroom and did every step with me. It was so cute! I have to tell you the last 10 minutes were torture. But I DID IT! I had a wonderful ice water afterwards.
I know I have so far to go but I started the next road of my journey today. I have to be active!!! Every day!!! Even if it's only a little...a little is better then nothing.

A good day!!!!

Swelling is down and pain has been limited today!!! SO HAPPY! Maybe the worst is over and I'm on the road to recovery. Posted a new picture so you could see how it looks. Not too bad. I think I won't even have very bad scars. Not that scars matter too much to me. Trust me I'm not the kind of girl who will EVER be seen in a bikini! Nope not me!! Walked a good bit today. And had another good day with my protein and liquids. Had a protein shake with light soy milk for breakfast. Had a bowl of cream of mushroom soup for lunch. For my afternoon snack I had a sugar-free Carnation Instant Breakfast made with soy milk (yummy!) Had my other protein shake for dinner and a sugar-free Popsicle for desert. Plus 2 12 oz bottles of water. Will have some more water before bed. Went to the store and bought my groceries for the next week. I know I can stop mushies on Thursday but I think I will wait till next week-end. I'm just not in a hurry. I know I'm a little strange...most people can't wait to start eating real food again. Hope I get some sleep tonight. Rob (my husband) has to leave out in the morning headed to Texas. He was such a big help today. He's being so supportive. Did a great job cleaning the house!!! I'll miss him when he leaves......

Morning.

Another day....had a rough night last night. Couldn't seem to get comfortable. Tossed and turned all night. I just wish I knew how long my port site was going to hurt like this. The nurse took an ultrasound Friday and said everything looked good. Trying so hard not to worry. Don't know if I should go in to see the doctor or not. I just don't know! I know I should but I don't want to take time away from my husband. I miss him and he's probably going to have to leave tonight. But that the life of a truck driver...
Kinda cheated a little bit on my diet. Now the quilt is killing me. I fixed a pork roast yesterday and it looked and smelled soooo good. I nibbled. I know I'm horrible!!!!! I knew better but I couldn't resist. I'm a meat eater. I love food. I don't really have a sweet tooth. Used to but in the last few years I have so gotten over sugar. I think it happened when I started decorating cakes. Just about went into a diabetic coma from all the sugar. Lost my taste for it. I mean if I had a choice between having a piece of cake or a 2nd BBQ sandwich. I am so going for the sandwich!!!!
I'm supposed to on to the mushy part of my diet in 4 days. I don't wanna. Isn't that crazy? But part of me is almost becoming scared of food. Can't I just live off of vitamins and protein shakes? What if I can't control my love of food? Of BBQ potato chips?

A new day.

I woke up this morning and was so relieved to see some of the swelling gone from my stomach. It still hurts but only when I move...LOL! No it does feel better this morning. Going to take it easy and not bend over or anything today. My husband will be home in a bit from being on the road for a week and I can let him take over for a couple of days! YAY!!! Weighed in this morning. I know I shouldn't but it's just so exciting to see those numbers drop. 254 pounds!!!!! The smallest I can ever remember being is 249 when I was on adipex. I know that my recover has been a little tougher then others but I am still so glad I did this. I just have to pray and trust that things will get better. QUICKLY!! My wii is screaming at me and I am so ready to get up and start walking. School starts back in 3 weeks and I have to do so much shopping. The only thing I've bought so far is a lunch box! Plus we are leaving in a month for our trip to WALT DISNEY WORLD! Or first time. So excited and nervous about the eating situation. But I will worry more about that closer to the trip.

A little worried...

I am getting a tiny bit worried. My port site is so swollen it looks like a grapefruit. And it hurts so bad. Did I make a mistake? What if it gets worse? What if it never gets well? I know I did the right thing. I'm just scared. I'm going to go back to the hospital Monday and let them see it. Maybe I can talk them into something to help with the pain. Liquid Tylenol is just not helping.

Fist Visit Back at Hospital!!!!

Well it's been 9 days since my surgery. Things have been painful. My port site has hurt so bad and the last couple of days it has been worse. Last night in the bed on my back I felt a knot above the port site. Ouch. I went in today to get my staples out and the small knot was now the size of a baseball. She drew 10cc of fluid away. Yuck. But it did feel so much better. She said there was a good chance it would build back up and just to come back whenever I needed a drain. She also put me on antibiotics "just in case". Only time will time....
In other news! My diet has been going great. I started my liquid diet on July 4th and as of today I have lost 11 pounds. My starting weight was 267. I am now at 256. I tried a new shake today. Light Soy Milk, 2 scoops vanilla protein and 1 tbs. of peanut butter. So yummy. A friend sent me a recipe for Pumpkin Pie shake. She says it tastes just like a piece of pumpkin pie. Light soy milk, 2 scoops of protein, 1 tbs. pure pumpkin and some pumpkin pie spice mix. She said if you like it a little sweeter then add some splenda. Will try that soon! Making sure I get my 60 oz of liquid a day and my 60 proteins. Oh and my stick blender gave up the ghost yesterday. My mom took me yesterday to buy a new one. Don't know what I would do without my stick blender!!!!!!!

I'm sorry.....

Earlier in my blog I touched upon my childhood. It was pointed out to me by my dear cousin that I was in the wrong. I wish to fix. My mom was very young when she had me and was unable to care for me. My grandmother stepped up and went beyond the call of duty. She kept me and I called her mom. She was a wonderful person. And thank God that she was there for me. I don't mean for her to come off as not being a good caretaker because she was. She was awesome. She took what she had and did the best she could. I learned what being a strong independent woman was by watching her. I know it was hard to take care of me. I was never blind. I used to hear her on the phone talking to my Aunts. Worrying and sometimes even crying. There came a point when her health began to go down hill. She wasn't able to cook 3 meals a day like she had her whole life. She did good. I don't want anyone to believe she wasn't a good mom. She was. But she did have a sweet tooth. A big one. Using the word "junk food addict" was wrong. I admit it. I apologize. But the fact remains that I was a fat kid. I didn't understand what limitations were. When to say no to a whole bags of chips or to several little Debbie cakes in a row. In a way maybe that was her way of spoiling me. I loved her so much. And I am so sorry if my words were taken the wrong way. I just wanted to state the facts and I didn't remember to add the emotions. And when I say I grew up poor I didn't mean just the first 11 years of my life but my entire childhood into my adulthood. I AM NOT blaming my grandmother for my obesity. But it was a contributing factor. Am I making any sense or just screwing things up even more. I don't know anymore. I didn't mean to hurt anyones feeling. I'm not that kind of person. It just broke my heart when someone I idolized and loved so much could think that. I just wanted to be honest and look on my life without the rose colored glasses. I didn't mean to hurt anyone.

Ouch!!!!

Just thought I would share a picture 2 days after the surgery. The largest boo-boo is the port site. I have more bruises now on my lower belly from the lovenex shots. It's a blood thinner my doc wanted me on for 2 weeks. It's to help prevent blood clots. It's not to bad. The medicine burns as it's being absorbed but I've been on insulin shots for years because of my diabetes. I'm also taking a chewable multi-vitamin. It tastes like an orange Flintstones vitamin. Or at least to me it does!!! Enjoying my protein shakes. Made one with a scoop of low-fat chocolate frozen yogurt, 1 scoop of protein powder, 1 tablespoon peanut butter, 8 oz of soy milk and crushed ice. Used my stick blender to blend it and LOVED it. Sinful!! Oh and I also use my stick blender on my cream soups. That way I don't have strain it. Maybe it might work for you. I will say that I am healing. My port site still hurts so bad. It burns but it's only going to get better. Thank goodness for liquid Tylenol!

Who am I?

I read my blog this morning...I need to tell you guys a little more about me. Where I came from. I was the fat kid. My entire life I was the fat kid. I hated it. My grandmother raised me the first 11 years of my life and she never taught me how to eat healthy. She was a junk food addict. One of her worst habits was the sandwich spread sandwich she would have every night right before bed. A double decker. She let me eat whatever I wanted whenever I wanted it. So I became the fat kid. I also grew up poor. That didn't help the situation. It's incredible hard to eat healthy when you have to eat cheap. I'm not making exscuses. I'm really not. I'm fat because I love food but there are things that contribute to the problem. I was always so scared of new situations and meeting new people. I knew they would judge me. But I survived. I met my husband when I was 19. I never wanted kids. I was lazy and selfish. I admit it. Then we had a pregnancy scare and that motherly instinct kicked it. I wanted a baby. My first pregnancy ended with a miscarriage. The pain of losing that sweet baby stills hurts so deeply after all these years. The doctor told me I was to fat to have a baby. Thanks Doc....just what a girl wants to hear. So I worked my tail off....no really I did. I lost 30 pounds and found myself pregnant. It was such a difficult time. Diabetes and high blood pressure had me at the hospital weekly for ultrasounds and tests. After 36 hours of HARD labor I was a given a c-section. My blood pressure went nuts. I was in the hospital for 6 days and Hannah's blood glucose level was like 14. She was in bad shape. It was 6 days before she was able to come home. We came home together. From day one I worried about her weight. She turns 5 on July 26. My greatest fear is that she will end of being the fat kid. I don't want that for her. It was that fear that sent me down the road to weight loss surgery. I chickened out the first time. My regular doctor put me on adipex. I lost weight but lord have mercy I was whacked out. Don't want to do that again. I lost 60 pounds and hit the wall. Then the weight started creeping back up and I knew it was time to make a decision. So I started over at the beginning. After a year and a LOT of hard work I got the phone call. And that is where my lap band journey really begins. I know I have so much hard work yet to do. But I'm ready. I want to play with my sweet little girl and learn with her about healthy food choices. I want to make her proud of me. I want to be proud of me.

And it begins.....

Today is July 12, 2010. On July 7, 2010 I became the proud new owner of my very own lap band. I never thought it would happen. It seemed to take forever and then one day I wake up and it was time. I was so scared. But I knew I was making the right decision. As I held my baby girl in my lap that morning I stroked her face and looked into those beautiful eyes and cried. What if something went wrong? I kissed her and said good-bye. Then I walked out the door. My husband drove me to the hospital. He was so excited. He kept telling me everything was going to be ok. Bless him. My mom and the closet thing to a daddy I've ever had met me at the hospital. She was afraid. I could see it in her eyes. Everything was good in the waiting area. We laughed and I relaxed. That is until they took me back to the prep area. An iv line was placed in my arm and I just lay there behind the curtain. It seemed to take a life time, and my feet was solid chunks of ice. In the quiet I became afraid again. I had never had anesthesia in my life. What if I didn't wake up? So I did the very best thing in the world I could do. I prayed. I prayed for strength and courage. The knowledge to know I was doing the right thing. Peace fell over me. I was no longer alone. They finally took me back to the surgery. SO COLD!!!!!! Then the very nice man gave me a very nice drug that made me feel very nice. Next thing I knew I heard voices. I was fighting the anesthesia and trying to pull the tube out of my throat. They told me later they had to hold my hands down. They took me to one room and I could hear people talking to me but for the life of me I couldn't answer. When they took me to recovery it was the same way. I had a very hard time waking up. I didn't like that feeling at all. So much pain. I'm not going to lie to you. It was horrible. The gas pains were the worst, and would stay that way for 2 days. I wouldn't wish that pain on my worst enemy. They had me sip 8 ounces of apple juice and I had to pee before they would release me. Oh and walk down the hall a few times. Thank goodness my sweet hubby was there to help me. I remember holding me mom's hand when I was first trying to wake up. That was a blessing. I was at the hospital a total of 9 hours. The next couple of days were just full of pain and trying to sleep as much as possible. Sipping as much clear liquid as I could and trying not to move. On day 3 I finally starting passing the gas and OH SWEET RELIEF. It helped so much. Started walking small laps around my kitchen and up and down the hall. On day 4 I even walked around my yard a little bit. Today I walked to the mailbox and around the yard. The walking helps. Word of advice...don't bend over. Ouch!!!! Yesterday I also started my full liquids. I was so happy to have my soy milk back. Lots of protein shakes. But that doesn't bother me. I like them. It's been a hard journey so far. But I'm making it. One day at a time. Sometimes it's one tear at a time. You wouldn't believe how much I've cried in the last week. My emotions have been up and down. I feel like I'm on a see-saw sometimes. I hope to share my journey with you. Maybe my story can inspire someone or ease someones fear. I will try to update as much as possible. At least every couple of days...might even be as often as a couple of times a day. Who knows! Climb aboard and enjoy the ride...just hang on tight!!!!!!