YAY ME!!!!

Today has been another great day! Woke up this morning with almost no pain. It's more just sore now. Thank the Good Lord! Had my protein shake for breakfast and Diet Green Tea with Citrus. But what I'm really proud of is that I finished my first official work out today! I set the timer on my microwave for 60 minutes and hit the floor walking. I walked at a nice steady pace nonstop for 30 minutes. Just back and forth from one end of my house to the other. My daughter walked with me or should I say ran with me! For every 1 lap I walked she ran 2!!! After 30 minutes of walking I did 30 minutes of the basic step workout on the wii. Hannah did that with me to. She got a big book from her bedroom and did every step with me. It was so cute! I have to tell you the last 10 minutes were torture. But I DID IT! I had a wonderful ice water afterwards.
I know I have so far to go but I started the next road of my journey today. I have to be active!!! Every day!!! Even if it's only a little...a little is better then nothing.

A good day!!!!

Swelling is down and pain has been limited today!!! SO HAPPY! Maybe the worst is over and I'm on the road to recovery. Posted a new picture so you could see how it looks. Not too bad. I think I won't even have very bad scars. Not that scars matter too much to me. Trust me I'm not the kind of girl who will EVER be seen in a bikini! Nope not me!! Walked a good bit today. And had another good day with my protein and liquids. Had a protein shake with light soy milk for breakfast. Had a bowl of cream of mushroom soup for lunch. For my afternoon snack I had a sugar-free Carnation Instant Breakfast made with soy milk (yummy!) Had my other protein shake for dinner and a sugar-free Popsicle for desert. Plus 2 12 oz bottles of water. Will have some more water before bed. Went to the store and bought my groceries for the next week. I know I can stop mushies on Thursday but I think I will wait till next week-end. I'm just not in a hurry. I know I'm a little strange...most people can't wait to start eating real food again. Hope I get some sleep tonight. Rob (my husband) has to leave out in the morning headed to Texas. He was such a big help today. He's being so supportive. Did a great job cleaning the house!!! I'll miss him when he leaves......

Morning.

Another day....had a rough night last night. Couldn't seem to get comfortable. Tossed and turned all night. I just wish I knew how long my port site was going to hurt like this. The nurse took an ultrasound Friday and said everything looked good. Trying so hard not to worry. Don't know if I should go in to see the doctor or not. I just don't know! I know I should but I don't want to take time away from my husband. I miss him and he's probably going to have to leave tonight. But that the life of a truck driver...
Kinda cheated a little bit on my diet. Now the quilt is killing me. I fixed a pork roast yesterday and it looked and smelled soooo good. I nibbled. I know I'm horrible!!!!! I knew better but I couldn't resist. I'm a meat eater. I love food. I don't really have a sweet tooth. Used to but in the last few years I have so gotten over sugar. I think it happened when I started decorating cakes. Just about went into a diabetic coma from all the sugar. Lost my taste for it. I mean if I had a choice between having a piece of cake or a 2nd BBQ sandwich. I am so going for the sandwich!!!!
I'm supposed to on to the mushy part of my diet in 4 days. I don't wanna. Isn't that crazy? But part of me is almost becoming scared of food. Can't I just live off of vitamins and protein shakes? What if I can't control my love of food? Of BBQ potato chips?

A new day.

I woke up this morning and was so relieved to see some of the swelling gone from my stomach. It still hurts but only when I move...LOL! No it does feel better this morning. Going to take it easy and not bend over or anything today. My husband will be home in a bit from being on the road for a week and I can let him take over for a couple of days! YAY!!! Weighed in this morning. I know I shouldn't but it's just so exciting to see those numbers drop. 254 pounds!!!!! The smallest I can ever remember being is 249 when I was on adipex. I know that my recover has been a little tougher then others but I am still so glad I did this. I just have to pray and trust that things will get better. QUICKLY!! My wii is screaming at me and I am so ready to get up and start walking. School starts back in 3 weeks and I have to do so much shopping. The only thing I've bought so far is a lunch box! Plus we are leaving in a month for our trip to WALT DISNEY WORLD! Or first time. So excited and nervous about the eating situation. But I will worry more about that closer to the trip.

A little worried...

I am getting a tiny bit worried. My port site is so swollen it looks like a grapefruit. And it hurts so bad. Did I make a mistake? What if it gets worse? What if it never gets well? I know I did the right thing. I'm just scared. I'm going to go back to the hospital Monday and let them see it. Maybe I can talk them into something to help with the pain. Liquid Tylenol is just not helping.

Fist Visit Back at Hospital!!!!

Well it's been 9 days since my surgery. Things have been painful. My port site has hurt so bad and the last couple of days it has been worse. Last night in the bed on my back I felt a knot above the port site. Ouch. I went in today to get my staples out and the small knot was now the size of a baseball. She drew 10cc of fluid away. Yuck. But it did feel so much better. She said there was a good chance it would build back up and just to come back whenever I needed a drain. She also put me on antibiotics "just in case". Only time will time....
In other news! My diet has been going great. I started my liquid diet on July 4th and as of today I have lost 11 pounds. My starting weight was 267. I am now at 256. I tried a new shake today. Light Soy Milk, 2 scoops vanilla protein and 1 tbs. of peanut butter. So yummy. A friend sent me a recipe for Pumpkin Pie shake. She says it tastes just like a piece of pumpkin pie. Light soy milk, 2 scoops of protein, 1 tbs. pure pumpkin and some pumpkin pie spice mix. She said if you like it a little sweeter then add some splenda. Will try that soon! Making sure I get my 60 oz of liquid a day and my 60 proteins. Oh and my stick blender gave up the ghost yesterday. My mom took me yesterday to buy a new one. Don't know what I would do without my stick blender!!!!!!!

I'm sorry.....

Earlier in my blog I touched upon my childhood. It was pointed out to me by my dear cousin that I was in the wrong. I wish to fix. My mom was very young when she had me and was unable to care for me. My grandmother stepped up and went beyond the call of duty. She kept me and I called her mom. She was a wonderful person. And thank God that she was there for me. I don't mean for her to come off as not being a good caretaker because she was. She was awesome. She took what she had and did the best she could. I learned what being a strong independent woman was by watching her. I know it was hard to take care of me. I was never blind. I used to hear her on the phone talking to my Aunts. Worrying and sometimes even crying. There came a point when her health began to go down hill. She wasn't able to cook 3 meals a day like she had her whole life. She did good. I don't want anyone to believe she wasn't a good mom. She was. But she did have a sweet tooth. A big one. Using the word "junk food addict" was wrong. I admit it. I apologize. But the fact remains that I was a fat kid. I didn't understand what limitations were. When to say no to a whole bags of chips or to several little Debbie cakes in a row. In a way maybe that was her way of spoiling me. I loved her so much. And I am so sorry if my words were taken the wrong way. I just wanted to state the facts and I didn't remember to add the emotions. And when I say I grew up poor I didn't mean just the first 11 years of my life but my entire childhood into my adulthood. I AM NOT blaming my grandmother for my obesity. But it was a contributing factor. Am I making any sense or just screwing things up even more. I don't know anymore. I didn't mean to hurt anyones feeling. I'm not that kind of person. It just broke my heart when someone I idolized and loved so much could think that. I just wanted to be honest and look on my life without the rose colored glasses. I didn't mean to hurt anyone.